Are You a Control Freak? Or Do They Still Call Us That?
Learning to let go and trust is a life-long process
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I consider myself a recovering control freak.
Left to my own devices, I like to, if not be in charge, know everything that’s going on in all my circles of concern. And express my opinion about all of it, with the expectation that folks will immediately recognize my sagacious wisdom and do my bidding.
Is that too much to ask?
Maybe, maybe not. But it’s completely unrealistic. And sometimes gets me in trouble.
One of the first lessons I learned in my twelve-step recovery program, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), was that I’m powerless over people, places, and situations. The only person I have any hope of controlling is myself — and that’s a tall order, addict that I am. Which is why I’m in recovery. Duh, right?
One of the talented vocalists at our church is experiencing dementia. Month by month, sometimes even week by week, her memory and cognition change. If we tell her something, she may or may not remember. Most likely, she will forget immediately as it’s her short-term memory that’s most affected.
We think she needs to get a thorough medical evaluation, and have been telling her that for over a year. She doesn’t disagree. But she hasn’t done it. My guess is that not only doesn’t she remember on her own, but she would need help doing the scheduling. Especially if a computer were involved. And if she made the appointment, how would she remember to go?
So, after we do what we can, we have to let go.
